FREEDOM!

Well, Kyle is back in Missouri again this week working on the rental house. This is the second time he's gone back since my last post when we went back together. The re-model is coming along very nicely and we've decided to put the house on the market to sell instead of continuing to rent it out. Thank you all for the prayers! The reason for my post this evening is to share something very good and exciting that has come from this whole experience...

Most of you all know that I have struggled with fear for a very long time. Not just a normal fear that most people feel every now and then, but I'm talking about a tormenting fear that takes over my mind, makes me crazy thinking unrealistic thoughts of scenarios that would never actually happen! As a child, I was always the brave one who wasn't afraid of anything. This slowly faded and a fear of everything began to set in as a teenager. Often times my family would find a knife either in the shower or somewhere near my bedside... in my nightstand or hidden between the mattresses somehow or even tucked away under my pillow (very unsafe, I know). Although I always had a plan in my mind of how I would use these weapons if an attacker came along, the truth is I would probably just start screaming, throw the knife at them and run as fast as I could the other direction. So, I believe these weapons were more so a "security blanket" than something that would actually help me if harm ever came my way. They did just that though, they helped me sleep at night and gave me a sense of security. I have to add that it did not end there... since being married and living on our own in a city far away from home, knives weren't quite enough to make me feel "secure" anymore when Kyle wasn't at home. It quickly turned into me keeping a loaded gun in my nightstand. Sometimes I would carry my gun with me throughout the house just so I could do my housework, even in broad daylight on occassion. There were a few instances where I had my gun cocked and ready to fire because someone was at my door unexpectedly. This fear didn't only strike when I was home alone, but also out in public... for example, at the grocery store at night having to walk out to my car alone and very frequently at work... being in my industry, there are many times when I'm alone showing a home to a man/men I don't know. I've walked around in a complete state of paranoia my entire adult life.

Ok, now that you get the picture of what this fear looks like... I have to share that I am completely 100% FREE from this bondage of fear only by the power, authority and love of my almighty Father in Heaven!!!!!!! For years I have prayed for freedom from this fear. When fear overcame me I would speak the name of Jesus into the situation, recite scriptures and tell myself how crazy I was being, but nothing seemed to shake the fear even though I was "technically" doing everything I knew I should be doing. Although I've always believed that I'm a child of God and that He would protect me and that He COULD protect me... I would still allow this demon of fear to torment me. I've also received prayer many times from others to break this bondage and today I'm here to testify how powerful our prayers are! God hears our prayers and HE KEEPS HIS PROMISES! It's our job to trust in Him and believe in His promises!! His word says that He has not given us a spirit of fear, but of love and of power and of a sound mind. His word says to not fear who can kill the body but cannot kill the soul. His word also says that NO weapon formed against us shall prosper! He and His promises are unchanging... these words have been true all along, but I was choosing to believe the lies of the enemy rather than trusting and believing the word of God. When Kyle left for Missouri on April 26th, I prayed yet again for peace and protection over me and my home. God did exactly what He had always done when I prayed this prayer... He provided peace and protection. The difference was that I CHOSE TO BELIEVE I was being protected which in turn gave me the peace I had been searching for. When I went to bed that evening, I thanked God for the army of angels He had surrounding my home, I praised Him for His love and for keeping His promises. For once, I did not strategically place chairs or other large items in front of every door in case an intruder entered nor did I take my gun out of my nightstand to ensure it was in close reach. Instead I layed my head on my pillow and was filled abundantly with peace and a feeling of "security"... REAL SECURITY! Then, I slept soundly through the night knowing that NO WEAPON FORMED AGAINST ME SHALL PROSPER, THAT I SHOULD NOT FEAR WHO CAN KILL THE BODY BUT CANNOT KILL THE SOUL AND THAT GOD HAD GIVEN ME A SPIRIT OF LOVE AND OF POWER AND OF A SOUND MIND... NOT OF FEAR!

Now I lay alone in bed at midnight almost one month later feeling that very same peace and again thanking my Father in Heaven for His protection and peace in my life. Thank you Father for showing me what FREEDOM feels like!